Reasons to Buy a New Car....
*Your passenger seat is on the National Register of Historic Places
*Instead of an airbag, there's a whoopie cushion taped to your steering wheel
*Stench from bodies in trunk becoming unbearable
*You lose the stop-light challenge to a 14-year old on a moped
*15 minute Jiffy Lube needs to keep your car for 3 days
*Thieves repeatedly break into your car just to take "The Club"
*When you gas up, the attendant asks, "Can I re-duct tape that windshield for you?"
*While waiting at a stop-light, people run up asking if anyone was hurt
*You never seem to get an answer at the AMC Gremlin help desk
*For the last five years, you've had to settle for making "vroom-vroom" noises while sitting in the driveway
*You keep losing dates on left turns
*Your gas guage measures in cubits
*Traffic reporters starting to refer to you by name when discussing morning tie-ups
*Hasn't been the same since Hugh Grant borrowed it
*Your tires are balding faster than Michael Bolton