Day out with the kids...

- Instead of singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall," you drink em.
- During the school year, keep them up at night so that they fail and get held in summer school.
- Pretend to pass out at the wheel, weaving erratically.
- Blindfold the children and tell them that you're taking them to the "Batcave."
- Sit them back-to-back, facing away from one another, and go to town with the duct tape.
- Make them eat a whole turkey and let the tryptophan kick in.
- You can ship a 40 lb child UPS 2nd day air for around $60.00, but don't forget the air holes.
- When you get on the plane, ask your child if he or she remembered to pack their parachute.
- Tell your kids that if they're extra-good, they get to ride in the "trunk seat."
- For every sugary snack your kid eats, take a Valium pill.