I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my

>doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I

>decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated,

>jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my

>leotards on, the class was over.

>

> --- Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you

>think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply

>replied, "No peer pressure."

>

> --- The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter

>eggs.

>

> --- Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the

>very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she

>replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker

>commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?

>

> --- I've sure gotten old.! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip

>replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half

>blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different

>medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have

>bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and

>feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lostal my friends.

>But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

>

> --- A 97-year-old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I

>want my sex drive lowered." "Sir," replied the doctor, "you're 97 Don't

>you think your sex drive is all in your head?" "You're damned right it

>is!" replied the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!"

>

> --- An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher

>she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and

>second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the

>preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters

>visit me twice a week."

>

> ---My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as

>sharp as it used to be.

>

> --- Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

>

> ---I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.

>

> ---I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my

>body are just prone to swinging.

>

> ---It's scary when you start making the same noises as your

>coffeemaker.

>

> ---The good news is that even as we get older, guys still look at our

>boobs. The bad news is they have to squat down first.

>

> ---These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast

>relief."

>

> ---I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but

>they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."

>

> ---Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner

>child playing with matches.

>

> ---Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up!

>

> --- Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow

>old because you stop laughing.

>

> - --THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I

>never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the

>eyesight to tell the difference.