puns

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are
here we might as well dance!! ~
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

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A jumper cable walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

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Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

~~~
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

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Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

An invisible man marries an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to look at either.

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Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.

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I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

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Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"

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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have
your kayak and heat it too.

~~

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked
them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," the manager said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in
an open foyer."

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A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal.
The other goes to a family in Spain and they name him Juan.
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes
she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've
seen Ahmal."

~~~

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his
odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him
(oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..."A super calloused fragile
mystic hexed by halitosis."

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And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to
his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make
them laugh.
No pun in ten did. --