A Marine squad was marching north of Basra when they came upon an Iraqi soldier badly injured and unconscious. Nearby, on the opposite side of the road, was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert. As first aid was given to both men, the Marine was asked what had happened.

The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway and coming south was a heavily armed Iraqi soldier. Seeing each other we, both took cover."

"What happened then?" the Corpsman asked.

"I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable lowlife scum bag,

and he yelled back, "Teddy Kennedy is rich, good-for-nothing fat drunk.'"

"We were standing there shaking hands when a truck hit us."

Golf Genie

A couple was golfing one day at Eagle Crest, a golf course, lined with many beautiful homes. On the third tee the husband said, "Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix."

The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses. Alright, let's go up there, apologize and see how much this is going to cost."

They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, "Come on in." They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its
side in the foyer. A man on the couch said, "Are you the people that broke my window?"

"Uh, yeah. Sorry about that." the husband replied.

"No, actually I want to thank you. I'm a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes- I'll
give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself."

"OK, great!" the husband said. " I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No problem-it's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie
said, looking at the wife.

"I want a house in every country of the world," she said.

"Consider it done." the genie replied.

"And what's your wish, genie?", the husband said.

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife."

The husband looks at the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I don't care." The genie took the wife upstairs and
ravished her for two hours.

After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and said, "How old is your husband, anyway?"

"35." she replied.

"And he still believes in genies?....That's amazing."

Starbucks Contest

A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup.

So she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motorhome!

I've won a motorhome!"

The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free Lunch.?"

But the blonde keeps on screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!"

Finally, the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken.
You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome because we didn't have that as a prize.

The blonde says, "No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motorhome!"

And she hands the ticket to the manager and HE reads...
"W I N A B A G E L"

Thanksgiving

AN URGENT THANKSGIVING MESSAGE...

CLICK HERE

How To Avoid The FLU
Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.
Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.
Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system.
Walk for at least an hour a day, go for a swim,
take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.
Wash your hands often. If you can't wash them,
keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.
Get lots of fresh air. Open windows whenever possible.
Get plenty of rest.
Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.

OR
Take the doctor's office approach.
Think about it...
When you go for a shot, what do they do first?
Clean your arm with alcohol..
Why?
Because alcohol kills germs.
So.......

I walk to the liquor store. (exercise )
I put lime in my Corona...(fruit)
Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies)
Drink outdoors on the bar patio..(fresh air)
Tell jokes, laugh..(eliminate stress)
Then pass out. (rest)


The way I see it...

If you keep your alcohol levels up,
flu germs can't get you!
My grandmother always said, "A shot in the glass is better than one in the ass!"
Live Well
Laugh Often

What the world would look like if women were in charge....

eyes

If you have trouble reading the above.... pull on the sides of the skin in the corners of eyes and try again. Wait a second or two.

Chicken Surprise

A couple orders the "Chicken Surprise" at a Chinese restaurant. The
waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded pot. Just as the wife is
about to serve herself, the lid rises slightly. Two little eyes look
around before the lid slams back down. "Good grief, did you see that?"
she asks her husband. He didn't, so she asks him to look in the pot.
Again, the lid rises. He sees two little eyes before it slams down. He
calls the waiter over and demands an explanation. "I made a mistake,"
says the waiter. "I brought you Peeking Duck."

Test

Try this

The average person only gets 7 right. This is based on
U.S. info, so use all lobes of your brain. This can be
more difficult than it looks. It just shows how
little most of us really see!
There are 25 questions about things we see every day
or have known about all our lives. How many can you
get right? These little simple questions are harder
than you think It just shows how little we pay
attention to the commonplace things of life.
RULES: Put your thinking caps on. No cheating! No
looking around! No getting out of your chair! No using
anything on or in your desk or computer!
Can you beat 20?? (The average is 7) Write down your
answers and check answers (on the bottom) AFTER
completing all the questions. REMEMBER-NO CHEATING!!!
It doesn't matter if you cheat, actually, because if
you have to cheat, then you don't know the answer, thus,
you've already missed the question. BE HONEST!!! That
means no looking at your phone or anything on your desk...
Then, before you pass this on to your friends, change
the number on the subject line to show how many you
got correct. Forward to your friends and also back to
the one who sent it to you..
LET'S JUST SEE HOW OBSERVANT YOU REALLY ARE. - If
not, just have fun!

Here we go!
1. On a standard traffic light,is the green on the
top or bottom?
2. How many states are there in the USA? (Don't
laugh, some people don't know.)
3. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch?
4. What six colors are on the classic Campbell's soup
label?
5. What two numbers on the telephone dial don't have
letters by them?
6. When you walk does your left arm swing with your
right or left leg? (Don't you dare get up to see!)
7. How many matches are in a standard pack?
8. On the United States flag is the top stripe red or
white?
9. What is the lowest number on the FM dial? (Don't
look at that dial!)
10. Which way does water go down the drain, counter or
clockwise? (Get out of the bathroom!)
11. Which way does a "no smoking" sign's slash run?
12. How many channels on a VHF TV dial?
13. On which side of a women's blouse are the buttons?
14. Which way do fans rotate?
15 How many sides does a stop sign have?
16. Do books have even-numbered pages on the right
or left side?
17 How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel?
18. How many sides are there on a standard pencil?
19. Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc. Who's
missing?
20. How many hot dog buns are in a standard package?
21. On which playing card is the card maker's
trademark?
22. On which side of a Venetian blind is the cord
that adjusts the opening between the slats?
23. There are 12 buttons on a touch tone phone. What
2 symbols bear no digits?
24. How many curves are there in the standard paper
clip?
25. Does a merry-go-round turn counter or clockwise?
__________________________________________________________
ANSWERS
1. Bottom
2. 50
3. Right
4. Blue, red, white, yellow, black & gold
5. 1, 0
6. Right
7. 20
8. Red
9. 87.7
10. Clockwise (north of the equator)
11. >From lower right to upper left
12. 12 (there is no #1)
13. Left
14. Clockwise as you look at it from the front.
15. 8
16. Left
17. 5
18. 6
19. Bashful
20. 8
21. Ace of spades
22. Left
23. * and #
24. 3
25. Counter

e 

A lady found the fawn under her step (they think the doe might have been hit by a car) .. her Ridge Back dog is helping look after it. The family named the fawn Bella. Once she has regained her strength (she was not in good shape when the family found her) they are going to send her to some friends who (in the past) raised two orphan deer and released them to the wild. Ri! ght now she is being bottle fed. Their dog (Hogan) has basically taken over. The fawn even shares his bed.
 

end 

w 

Rollin Rollin

Dancin in the moon light



Hugs to you

Mom 

Ahhhh! 

Coca Cola? 

Hi ya Baby! 

Wunder ifn this is near a skool zone? 

mouser

The Curtain
Rods
She spent
the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and
suitcases.

On the
second day, she had the movers come and collect her
things.
On the third
day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room
table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted
on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of
Chardonnay.

When she had
finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few
half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the
curtain rods.

She then
cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the
husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first
few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They
tried everything; cleaning and mopping and airing the place
out.

Vents were
checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam
cleaned.
Air
fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to
set off gas
canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in
the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool
carpeting.

Nothing
worked. People stopped coming over to
visit...

Repairmen
refused to work in the house...

The maid
quit...

Finally,
they could not take the stench any longer and decided to
move.

A month
later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not
find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and
eventually, even the local Realtors refused to return their
calls.


Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to
purchase a new place.

The ex-wife
called the man, and asked how things were going. He told her the
saga of the rotting house.

She listened
politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be
willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the
house back...

Knowing his
ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on price that was
about 1/10th of what the house had been worth...But only if she were
to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the
hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week
later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched
the moving company pack everything to take to their new
home...

..including
the curtain rods.

I LOVE A
HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU??

Buds

Test Garvey

At the end of this test, you are asked a question. Answer it immediately. Don't stop and think about it. Just say the first thing that pops into your mind.

This is a fun "test"...AND kind of spooky at the same time! You'll understand what that means after you finish taking the "test".

Now... just follow the instructions as quickly as possible. Do not go to the next calculation before you have finished the previous one. You do not ever need to write or remember the answers, just do it using your mind.

You'll be surprised.

Start:

How much is: 15 + 6


3 + 56



89 + 2


12 + 53


75 + 26

25 + 52

63 + 32

I know! Calculations are hard work, but it's nearly over....
Come on, one more...

123 + 5












QUICK! THINK ABOUT A TOOL AND A COLOUR!





Scroll further to the bottom....







A bit more....













You just thought about a red hammer, didn't you?

If this is not your answer, you are among 2% of people who have a different, if not abnormal, mind. 98% of the folks would answer a red hammer while doing this exercise. If you do not believe this, pass it around and you'll see. if you are among the 98% or the 2% Repost this with either 2% or 98% in the subject line

I fly