SIGNS.......

Sailor Shop (Kowloon): “Customers giving orders will be swiftly executed.”
Taxidermist's sign: “If called by a panther, don’t anther.”
Taxidermist's Window: “We really know our stuff.”
Teamwork sign: “Only dead fish swim with the stream.”
Termite Exterminator’s Office: “Termites never die – they just go on living happily ever rafter.”
Therapist’s Office: “Unshrinkingly yours.”
Tire Shop: “Invite us to your next blowout.”
Towing Company #1: “Call us at any hour. We’re always on our tows.”
Towing Company #2: “I go where I'm towed.”
Towing Company #3: “We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”
Toy Store: “There’s no gift like the present.”
Tree Surgeon: “We go out on a limb for you.”
Truck (on right rear): “Pass on the right for that off-the-shoulder look.”
Truck sign: “Pass with care – I chew tobacco.”
Undertaker's Door: “We're the last one to let you down.”
Valentine’s Day “I Love You” Card: “Now available in multi-packs.”
Venetian Blind Dealer’s Car: “Watch Out! Blind Man Driving!”
Veterinarian Clinic #1: “Hospital Zone – No Barking.”
Veterinarian Clinic #2: “Meowy Christmas and Yappy New Year.”
Veterinarian’s Waiting Room: “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”
Warning: “Quicksand: Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council.”
Waterbed Shop: “Your vinyl resting place.”
Weight-reduction Store #1: “A word to the wides is sufficient.”
Weight-reduction Store #2: “Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we diet!”
Weight-reduction Store #3: “If you’re thin, don’t eat fast. If you’re fat, don’t eat – fast.”
Weight-reduction Store #4: “Stop! Look! Lessen!”
Weight-reduction Store #5: “Twenty-Four Shaping Days Till Christmas!”
Women’s Restroom #1: “A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.”
Women’s Restroom #2: “Friends don't let friends take home ugly men.”
Women’s Restroom #3: “The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.”
Women’s Restroom #4: “You're too good for him.”