Here are some Irish funnies for St. Patty's Day.......
Definition of an Irish husband: He hasn't kissed his wife for twentyyears, but he will kill any man who does.
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Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink.Quinn thinks Murphy's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.
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The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent.
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An American lawyer asked, 'Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?''Who told you that?' asked Paddy.
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Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple?Answer - So the English can understand them.
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Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, 'Not guilty.''That's grand!' shouted Reilly. 'Does that mean I can keep the money?'
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Irish lass customer: 'Could I be trying on that dress in the window?'Shopkeeper: 'I'd prefer that you use the dressing room.'
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Mrs.. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, 'Is that you I hear spittin' in the vase on the mantle piece?''No,' said himself, 'but I'm gettin' closer all the time.'
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Finnegin: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock inthe morning. I can't break her of it.Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time? Finnegin: Waitin' for me to come home .
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Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital.. 'Quick!' He said.'Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!''Tell me, is this her first baby?' the intern asked.'No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'.
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'O'Ryan,' asked the druggist, 'did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife's appearance?''It did surely,' replied O'Ryan, 'but it keeps fallin' off!'
Definition of an Irish husband: He hasn't kissed his wife for twentyyears, but he will kill any man who does.
-----------------------------------------------------
Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink.Quinn thinks Murphy's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.
------------------------------------------------------
The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent.
------------------------------------------------------
An American lawyer asked, 'Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?''Who told you that?' asked Paddy.
------------------------------------------------------
Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple?Answer - So the English can understand them.
------------------------------------------------------
Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, 'Not guilty.''That's grand!' shouted Reilly. 'Does that mean I can keep the money?'
------------------------------------------------------
Irish lass customer: 'Could I be trying on that dress in the window?'Shopkeeper: 'I'd prefer that you use the dressing room.'
------------------------------------------------------
Mrs.. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, 'Is that you I hear spittin' in the vase on the mantle piece?''No,' said himself, 'but I'm gettin' closer all the time.'
------------------------------------------------------
Finnegin: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock inthe morning. I can't break her of it.Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time? Finnegin: Waitin' for me to come home .
-----------------------------------------------------
Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital.. 'Quick!' He said.'Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!''Tell me, is this her first baby?' the intern asked.'No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'.
------------------------------------------------------
'O'Ryan,' asked the druggist, 'did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife's appearance?''It did surely,' replied O'Ryan, 'but it keeps fallin' off!'
posted by Charles | 9:30 AM
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