FUNNY QUOTES BY MARK TWAIN........
"The report of my death was an exaggeration."
"They spell it Vinci and pronounce it Vinchy; foreigners always spell better than they pronounce."
"The holy passion of friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money."
"Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet."
"You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label."
"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he'd learned in seven years."
"Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement. "
"What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce."
"Wagner's music is better than it sounds."
"Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times."