If men truly ran the world . . .
*Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get'em next time" would pretty much do it.
*Birth control would come in ale or lager.
*Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
*On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day too.
*St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.
*Garbage would take itself out.
*Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the *Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.
*The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".
*Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".
*Tanks would be far easier to rent.
*Two words..."Ally McNaked".
*When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."Cop: "Nice one, That's $10.00 off".
*People would never talk about how fresh they felt.
*Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.
*Every man would get four, real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
*Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
*It would perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.
*Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!".
*When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
*Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you".
*The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
"Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
*At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and you would jump out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.
*Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
*Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
*Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get'em next time" would pretty much do it.
*Birth control would come in ale or lager.
*Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
*On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day too.
*St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.
*Garbage would take itself out.
*Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the *Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.
*The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".
*Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".
*Tanks would be far easier to rent.
*Two words..."Ally McNaked".
*When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."Cop: "Nice one, That's $10.00 off".
*People would never talk about how fresh they felt.
*Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.
*Every man would get four, real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
*Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
*It would perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.
*Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!".
*When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
*Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you".
*The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
"Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
*At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and you would jump out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.
*Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
*Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
posted by Charles | 10:18 AM
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