A Sure Sign of Stupidity ---------

A friend of mine feels that certain people should have to wear a sign that would just say, "I'm stupid." That way, the rest of us wouldn't waste our time relying on them, and we certainly wouldn't ask them anything. It'd be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign."

Before I moved from California to Oklahoma, my house was full of boxes, and there was a U-Haul truck in my driveway. My friend comes over and says, "Hey, you moving?"

"Nope. I pack up all my stuff like this once or twice a week just to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."

A couple of months ago, I went fishing with a buddy of mine. We pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up a big ol' stringer of bass, and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?"

"Nope. Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel, and there was a guy who'd invented a shark-bite suit. There's only one way to test it... "All right, Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, and it looks good. They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you."

"Well all right....hold my sign, I don't wanna lose it."

I had a flat tire on the road recently, and I pulled my car into a service station. The attendant walked out, looked at my tire, and said, "Tire go flat?"

I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope, I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. Back at the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then goes, "Darn, that's hot!"

If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him. No such luck. He burned his hand. Maybe he’ll get smarter. Nah, I doubt it.

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked.

She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door un-locker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you know any stores nearby that sell these type of batteries?”

I mentioned one in a nearby mall, but she gasped, “That’s two miles away!!”

I replied I had an idea. I took her key chain, used the key to unlock the door, and suggested it would be faster if she drove there. I told her to pick up a Sign while she was at it, but she didn’t understand.

Last week we had a temp with a big problem. One day she was typing and turned to me and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What should I do?"

"Just use copier machine paper," I told her.

“Good idea!” she replied. She took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier, and proceeded to make five "blank" copies. I was tempted to tell her to type up a “Sign” on one of the copies.

Last night when I got home I read this story in the paper. Louisville, Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck.

Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle’s license plate still attached to the bumper.

When they are released back into society, shouldn’t they be forced to wear a sign? It sure would save a lot of time for the rest of us.