Dave Barry's 50 Years of Experience

1. Never, under any circumstances, combine a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to specify, in one word, why the human race has not, and will never achieve its full potential, that word would be meetings.

3. It is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who push to share their religious views with you rarely care to have you to share yours with them.

5. One does well to separate one's career from one's life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance. Just dance.

7. Regardless of the temptation, don't lick a steak knife.

8. The most devastating force in the world is gossip.

9. You should never say anything to a woman that even hints that you think she's pregnant.

10. The one constant among all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

11. A person, who is nice to you, but mean to the stranger, is not a nice person.

12. Men are like a fine cheese. They start out as milk, and it's up to women to mold them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.