A computer is like the union, it never works unless you spend money on it.

Artificial intellegence is no match for natural stupidity.

Alcohol and calculus don't mix... Don't drink and derive.

Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurtling down the highway.

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.

On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog.


To err is human. To really foul things up requires a computer.


When all else fails, read the manual.


First we thought the PC was a calculator. Then we found out how to turn numbers into letters with ASCII -- and we thought it was a typewriter. Then we discovered graphics, and we thought it was a television. With the World Wide Web, we've realized it's a brochure.

Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.

Hard Drive: The part of the computer that stops working when you spill beer on it.

DOS never says : EXCELLENT command or filename.

In a world without borders, who needs Windows and Gates ?

I had a life once... now I have a computer and a modem.

Why are so many viruses aimed at windows ? It crashes just fine on its own thank you !

The question of whether computers can think is like the question of whether submarines can swim.

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