conglomerate
Men as Seen From the Female Side of the Fence, of course......
1. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
2. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world
where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.
3. Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident
that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he
concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble,
he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're
really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call
him.
4. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under
my pillow, instead of a gun.
5. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These
men usually have jobs and bathe.
6. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire
and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
7. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your
heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to
a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
8. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've
never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my Gosh,
I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another
man wearing a black tuxedo."
9. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is
usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches
from the door.
10. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on
record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
11. Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen
the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.
12. Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked
him, "Are we going to have make love again?" He said, "Yes, but not
with each other."
13. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem.
"Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a
challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love
you . . . I want to marry you . . I want to have your children."
Sometimes they leave skid marks. (I REALLY Like this one!....Jodi)
14. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with
super heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow
up identifying with Barbie.
15. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With
female menopause - you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male
menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.
16. Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why
men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what
happened.
Thanks Debbie S
*Amy and Jamie are old friends. They have both been married to their husbands for a long time. Amy is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her attractive anymore. "As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Amy cries. "I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day." replies Jamie. "Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!"
*How The Government Works
Three contractors were touring the White House on the same day. One was from New York, another from Missouri, and the third from Florida. At the end of the tour, the guard asked
them what they did for a living. When they each replied that they were contractors the guard said "Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys look at it and give me a bid?"
So to the back fence they went. First up was the Florida contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, "Well, I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."
Next was the Missouri contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil did some quick figuring and said, "Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."
Then the guard asks the New York contractor how much. Without so much as moving the contractor says, "$2700." The guard, incredulously looks at him and says "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
"Easy" says the contractor from New York, "$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you and we hire the guy from Missouri."
*Things to Think About
Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.
Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt, that he forgets his sugar.
Too many couples marry for better, or for worse, but not for good.
When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag.
On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past - but never the present. A foolish husband says to his wife, "Honey, you stick to the washin', ironin', cookin', and scrubbin'. No wife of mine is gonna work."
The bonds of matrimony are a good investment, only when the interest is kept up.
Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew, and make beds, and is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders.
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age, and start bragging about it.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth....
Remember about Algebra.
You know you are getting old, when everything either dries up, or leaks.
I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.
If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.
1. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
2. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world
where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.
3. Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident
that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he
concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble,
he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're
really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call
him.
4. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under
my pillow, instead of a gun.
5. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These
men usually have jobs and bathe.
6. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire
and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
7. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your
heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to
a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
8. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've
never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my Gosh,
I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another
man wearing a black tuxedo."
9. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is
usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches
from the door.
10. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on
record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
11. Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen
the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.
12. Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked
him, "Are we going to have make love again?" He said, "Yes, but not
with each other."
13. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem.
"Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a
challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love
you . . . I want to marry you . . I want to have your children."
Sometimes they leave skid marks. (I REALLY Like this one!....Jodi)
14. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with
super heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow
up identifying with Barbie.
15. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With
female menopause - you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male
menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.
16. Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why
men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what
happened.
Thanks Debbie S
*Amy and Jamie are old friends. They have both been married to their husbands for a long time. Amy is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her attractive anymore. "As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Amy cries. "I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day." replies Jamie. "Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!"
*How The Government Works
Three contractors were touring the White House on the same day. One was from New York, another from Missouri, and the third from Florida. At the end of the tour, the guard asked
them what they did for a living. When they each replied that they were contractors the guard said "Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys look at it and give me a bid?"
So to the back fence they went. First up was the Florida contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, "Well, I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."
Next was the Missouri contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil did some quick figuring and said, "Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."
Then the guard asks the New York contractor how much. Without so much as moving the contractor says, "$2700." The guard, incredulously looks at him and says "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
"Easy" says the contractor from New York, "$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you and we hire the guy from Missouri."
*Things to Think About
Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.
Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt, that he forgets his sugar.
Too many couples marry for better, or for worse, but not for good.
When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag.
On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past - but never the present. A foolish husband says to his wife, "Honey, you stick to the washin', ironin', cookin', and scrubbin'. No wife of mine is gonna work."
The bonds of matrimony are a good investment, only when the interest is kept up.
Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew, and make beds, and is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders.
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age, and start bragging about it.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth....
Remember about Algebra.
You know you are getting old, when everything either dries up, or leaks.
I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.
If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.
posted by teckron | 11:53 AM
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