A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates. "Have you ever
done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a
trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of
high-testosterone bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed
them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the
largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him on the head,
kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the
ground. I yelled, "Now, back off biker boy or you'll answer to me!"

St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple minutes ago."