MORE FROM THE MEDICAL WAY...........
** An elderly woman from the deepest, most southern part of Alabama goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written. The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word. She pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then, let it read, "Billy Bob died." Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor says, "Sorry ma'am there is a 7 word minimum on all obituaries." Only a little flustered, she thinks things over and in a few seconds says, "In that case, let it read, "Billy Bob died - 1983 pickup for sale."
** 3 Doctors at a Convention talking Shop.The first Doctor says: "I love doing surgery on Artists, they are so colorful: red Hearts, pink Stomachs, green Spleens."The next Doctor says: "Me, I love doing surgery on Accountants, open them up and all their Parts are numbered, makes it very easy.”The third Doctor says: "I love doing surgery on Lawyers, they have no Heart, they have no Guts and the Head and the Ass are interchangeable!"
** A pretty, perky young blonde, wearing a walkman with earphones, goes into the beauty parlor for a haircut. The stylist asks her to please remove the headphones, but the blonde tells her to cut around them.Well, the stylist goes to work, carefully avoiding the headphones, but without realizing it, she accidentally snips the wire going from the headphones to the walkman. Within several minutes, the blonde slides out of the chair, quite dead.The stylist, in an attempt to find out what the blonde was listening to, pulls the plug from the headphones out of the walkman and hears: Inhale ... Exhale ... Inhale ... Exhale .......
** Veal Cutlets and Pancakes"Well, doctor, have you received the results of my tests?" the patient asked."Yes, Mr. Smith, and I'm afraid I've got some really bad news for you. You've got VD, AIDS and Mad Cow Disease"."Oh, no! What treatment can you give me?" "We're going to take you into the hospital, give you your own private room, and put you on a diet of veal cutlets and pancakes." "Veal cutlets and pancakes? Delicious! I never realized that those delicious foods could help cure me!""They won't, but they're easy to slide under the door."
** Brain TransplantIn the hospital, a patient's relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I am the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky, and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. At last, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"The doctor quickly responded, "$200 for a female brain, and $500 for a male brain."The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A girl, unable to control her curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?"The doctor smiled at her childish innocence and then said, "It's a standard pricing procedure. We have to mark the female brains down, because they're used!!!!!!!"
** A woman told the vet that something was wrong with her dog. He examined the animal and told her the dog was dead. "I don't believe you", she said, "I'd like a second opinion"The vet said that would be fine. He went into the other room and got a cat. He put the cat up on the table with the dog. The cat sniffed the dog and jumped down. The vet then got a black lab, put him on the table and the lab sniffed and jumped down.The vet tells the lady again, "I'm sorry, but your dog is definitely dead. That will be $600 for the exam.""$600 is ridiculous, what are the charges for?" she exclaimed."$600 is a bargain," the vet explained. "$50 for me and only $550 for the cat scan and lab work."
**A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.The doctor asked patient #1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half!?" The doctor asked Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing on the ceiling. Patient #1 replied, "Oh, he's my friend, but he's a little crazy.. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face going all red and blue.The doctor tells Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself!"Patient #1 replies, "What?! And work in the dark?!"
** An elderly woman from the deepest, most southern part of Alabama goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written. The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word. She pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then, let it read, "Billy Bob died." Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor says, "Sorry ma'am there is a 7 word minimum on all obituaries." Only a little flustered, she thinks things over and in a few seconds says, "In that case, let it read, "Billy Bob died - 1983 pickup for sale."
** 3 Doctors at a Convention talking Shop.The first Doctor says: "I love doing surgery on Artists, they are so colorful: red Hearts, pink Stomachs, green Spleens."The next Doctor says: "Me, I love doing surgery on Accountants, open them up and all their Parts are numbered, makes it very easy.”The third Doctor says: "I love doing surgery on Lawyers, they have no Heart, they have no Guts and the Head and the Ass are interchangeable!"
** A pretty, perky young blonde, wearing a walkman with earphones, goes into the beauty parlor for a haircut. The stylist asks her to please remove the headphones, but the blonde tells her to cut around them.Well, the stylist goes to work, carefully avoiding the headphones, but without realizing it, she accidentally snips the wire going from the headphones to the walkman. Within several minutes, the blonde slides out of the chair, quite dead.The stylist, in an attempt to find out what the blonde was listening to, pulls the plug from the headphones out of the walkman and hears: Inhale ... Exhale ... Inhale ... Exhale .......
** Veal Cutlets and Pancakes"Well, doctor, have you received the results of my tests?" the patient asked."Yes, Mr. Smith, and I'm afraid I've got some really bad news for you. You've got VD, AIDS and Mad Cow Disease"."Oh, no! What treatment can you give me?" "We're going to take you into the hospital, give you your own private room, and put you on a diet of veal cutlets and pancakes." "Veal cutlets and pancakes? Delicious! I never realized that those delicious foods could help cure me!""They won't, but they're easy to slide under the door."
** Brain TransplantIn the hospital, a patient's relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I am the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky, and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. At last, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"The doctor quickly responded, "$200 for a female brain, and $500 for a male brain."The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A girl, unable to control her curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?"The doctor smiled at her childish innocence and then said, "It's a standard pricing procedure. We have to mark the female brains down, because they're used!!!!!!!"
** A woman told the vet that something was wrong with her dog. He examined the animal and told her the dog was dead. "I don't believe you", she said, "I'd like a second opinion"The vet said that would be fine. He went into the other room and got a cat. He put the cat up on the table with the dog. The cat sniffed the dog and jumped down. The vet then got a black lab, put him on the table and the lab sniffed and jumped down.The vet tells the lady again, "I'm sorry, but your dog is definitely dead. That will be $600 for the exam.""$600 is ridiculous, what are the charges for?" she exclaimed."$600 is a bargain," the vet explained. "$50 for me and only $550 for the cat scan and lab work."
**A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.The doctor asked patient #1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half!?" The doctor asked Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing on the ceiling. Patient #1 replied, "Oh, he's my friend, but he's a little crazy.. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face going all red and blue.The doctor tells Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself!"Patient #1 replies, "What?! And work in the dark?!"
posted by Charles | 7:27 PM
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