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Senior Funnies

Jokes, pictures and stuff emailed to us. PICTURES CAN BE ENLARGED BY CLICKING ON THEM............ NO ANNONYMUS COMMENTS ALLOWED!

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water
down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else
to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for few minutes,
thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be too afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

8. Chapped lips? Rub chicken poop on them. It won't ease the chapping, but it will keep you from licking them.

9. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are. You only need two tools:
WD-40 and Duct T
ape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and
does, use the duct tape.
And finally . Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

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