Top signs telling You Don't Have A Good Secretary

She has a hard time alphabetizing a bag of M&Ms.
She doesn't get the hang of Post-it Notes.
You have to frequently scrape White-Out off her computer monitor.
At the board meeting for which she is recording the minutes, she stops the proceedings to ask, "What did fatso say?"
She staples her thumbs together more frequently than once a week.
Types 60 words per minute ... but not in English.
She wears White-Out for nail polish.