Lake Oswego Barbie:
This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with a Mercedes 4WD SUV, a Prada handbag and matching Nike Yoga ensemble. She has a master's degree and double-majored, but has the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom with Ken's generous salary. She comes with a Percocet prescription and Botox. Starbucks mug and traffic-jamming Blackberry internet/cell phone device sold separately. Husband Ken is into fishing, golfing, baseball and is often"working late." Available at Starbucks.
Salem Barbie:
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, switchblade, '78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. Boyfriend Ken is in jail. This model is available at most pawn shops, but only after dark and it can only be purchased with cash - preferably small bills, unless you're a cop, then we don't know what you're talking about.
Grants Pass Barbie:
This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie comes with a pair of high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Auburn Barbie's trailer. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans fake fingernails, strawberry lip gloss and a see-through halter top. Purchase her Mustang convertible separately and get a Confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free. Boyfriend Ken is in treatment. Available at Army/Navy Surplus.
Pendleton Barbie:
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans 2 sizes too small, steel-toed cowboy boots, a classic Metallica T-shirt, and a Tweedy Bird Tattoo on her shoulder. She has fake fingernails, a six-pack of Budweiser, and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over a distance of 6 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Also available is the gold-toned cubic zirconium ring that Ken gave her after another one of his "episodes" with his boss's daughter. Comes with Barbie's Dream Double-Wide Trailer. Available at Wal-Mart.
East-Side Portland Barbie:
Pregnant at purchase, this Barbie comes with a stroller and bus pass. Also included is a G.E.D. and a completely filled out food stamps form. Construction worker Ken and his '82 Caddy are optional. Available at Value Village.
Eugene Barbie:
This Barbie is made out of recycled plastic and tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no make-up, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She does not want, or need, a Ken doll. If you purchase the optional Subaru wagon, you will receive a free rainbow flag sticker. Available at REI.
Ashland Barbie:
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or removing snap on parts. This Barbie walks to work and likes to "experiment," but will never commit. This model is being phased out and is only available from the manufacturer.
Corvallis Barbie:
This blithe little number comes with a travel coffee mug and optional scrubs for working at Good Samaritan. She also comes with a Volvo that has a OSU alum sticker in the back window. The bike rack comes standard. Other clothing included: jogging outfit and Beaver t-shirt. Bicycle and HP-worker Ken doll sold separately.