A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well
groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of
a good after shave, presenting a well looked-after image, walks into
an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking
lady, (mid eighties).
The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a drink, takes
a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"

<><><><><><><>

Getting Old

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after
eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two
gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new
restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"

The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name
of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one
that's red and has thorns."

"Do you mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the
kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went
to last night?"

<><><><><><><>

Getting Old

Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being
discharged.

However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly
gentleman--already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at
his feet--who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him
to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting
him.

"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom
changing out of her hospital gown."


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When Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly
father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.

So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most
beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath
away.

"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her
"but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20
million dollars."

Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days
later, she became his stepmother.

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Subject: T.G.I.F.

A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde
already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F." He smiled at
her and replied, "S-H-I-T."

She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly.
He again answered, "S-H-I-T." The blonde was trying to keep it
friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as
possibly, "T-G-I-F." The man smiled back to her and once again,
"S-H-I-T." The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.
"'T-G-I-F' means Thank Goodness It's Friday. Get it, duuhhh?" The man
answered, "'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday"