RED SKELTONS RECIPE

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a  little beverage, good food and companionship.She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.2. We also sleep in separate beds.   Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.3. I take my wife everywhere........but she keeps finding her way back.4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.So I suggested the kitchen.5. We always hold hands.     If I let go, she shops.6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place  to sit down!" .. So I bought her an electric chair.7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.   I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.   Then the mud fell off.9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" .... The driver said "No, jump in!"10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.    I don't like to interrupt her.13. The last fight was my fault though.     My wife asked "What's on the TV?"    I said "Dust!"Can't you just hear him say all of these?    I love it.........this is the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word........ just clean and simple fun.   Have a good day and a better tomorrow.